I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude. I can hear the air.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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