The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
