they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
