YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Never joke about your clitoris.
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