Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
