If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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