Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
