who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
