What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
