jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize