Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
