I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you will always have a special place in my vag
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
