my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
