i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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