So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
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You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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