explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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