i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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