I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
