Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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