I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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