Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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