that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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