seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When are your genitals available?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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