I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
