plz talk dirty to me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
