Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
