I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
