I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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