Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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