I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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