The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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