Who did Billy Mays play for?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
