hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
