Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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