This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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