He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
