we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
