Sry I called you an 8
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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