The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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