pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
