I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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