I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
