Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
