I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
