38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cat gives me a boner
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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