Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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