Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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