He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
