You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
