I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
