my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
