On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
