Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
