I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
