The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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