Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
