Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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