I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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