It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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