there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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