she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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