No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
