i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
