wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
