I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
