He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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